This Blog

Is on hold until further notice for NaNo…

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

I woke up one morning this week fat. No other word for it. Not as fat as I used to be, but fat, none the less. I started my most recent weight loss journey in April of this year. To date I have lost 44 lbs. Well, 39 lbs as of the morning I’m referring to (isn’t being a woman AWESOME?) When I stood on the scale that morning I got pissed. And depressed. And sad. But mostly pissed. How dare my body betray me this way? Didn’t it know I wasn’t happy getting bigger? That getting small was the goal here? Ugh. Stupid body. (Yes – I know the weight gain was in direct coloration to my diet habits over the last few days, the large salt content of the previous day’s diet and the current time of the month, but just go with me here, ok?)

So what did I do to defeat my Eeorye mood? I put on my new, never-worn, size 10 (yeah!) skirt. The skirt, although more snug that I usually like my skirts to be, was not uncomfortably tight despite my 4 lb overnight weight gain. That was encouraging. Then I also put on my new, never-worn, size Medium (yeah again!) shirt. I added some high heels and excellent accessories. And when I looked in the mirror I realized I looked great*!

And suddenly I felt great. Even at 171 lbs and change. I looked amazing. I remembered that I am 4 sizes and 39 lbs smaller than I was in January. That there were several inches missing from around my body. And that I felt better, healthier, more fit, than I had in years. I remembered the positives, and forgot about that annoying 171 on the scale. I remembered that I am more than a number on the scale. I am even more that the inches I’ve lost, or the fat girl I’ve been. I am a talented actor. I am an entertaining writer (at least I always entertain myself – if others don’t find me funny it’s none of my business. See Warrior(s)). I am a loyal friend. I am a great daughter. I have great taste in clothes. And none of that has anything to do with how much I weigh or what size I wear. And with a smile on my face I ventured out into the world.

How different might my day have been if I had just sighed and put on schlubby clothes? If had surrendered to the fat? As it was, even though my day was filled with the usual challenges, I still felt good about at least one part of myself. I took control and decided that a stupid number on the scale wasn’t going to ruin my day. I am more than that, much more.

What are you more than?

*This realization might have been a little due to my amazing mirror – those of you who have seen it know what I’m talking about! My coach rules!

New Goals

I have a very smart friend, you know who you are, who always tells me I should blog more. So, first on the list of goals:

write something every day. It can be small, a sentence or two. Not every thought has to be monumental or tragic. It is good to keep this in mind.

Second: Maintain my weight loss through the holidays. So far-I am totally on track with this. I am a amazed to remember that when I decide to do something, it’s easy.

Third (and that’s enough for now, really): this one is a two parter-first, get Average Villainy Inc edited and completed (it’s missing a climactic battle scene). Second, participate in and win NaNo this year with the first Karma book. 50,000 words in Nov.

In other news-I’ve been cast in a show! ‘High Society’ with the Performance Now Theatre Company and I am thrilled and excited to start rehearsals on Nov. 12th!!

Also-Bear is going out of town tomorrow, not to return until Sat. I’m always excited and sad when we’re apart. Especially when it’s him traveling and me staying home. Excited to have the house to myself and be “single” again. And sad because I always miss him. A lot. Guess that means it’s good we’re married.